I LOVE belly dance because it seems to be the one dance form that is inclusive of all types. I love this dance form because of how it brings out the best in those who’ve allowed themselves to indulge in the art, but most of all I LOVE belly dance because it loves me.

Before I discovered Belly dance I studied West African dance and music. After taking West African classes for two years I moved to San Francisco at 21 to study Dununba West African Dance after my beloved San Diego instructor Sharmain moved away from San Diego and I was unable to find her again or a replacement equal to her. Living in SF was great and studying dance at the City College there was the best decision I had ever made for myself, I’d finally broken away from a troubled family and decided to follow my dream to dance. Sadly 10 months after I moved to San Francisco my younger brother had fallen very ill and lapsed into a coma, I dropped everything and went back to SD to watch over him and my mother.

When I returned to SD I realized I could not make dance a priority, I just took classes when I could outside of my family’s needs. I also decided to get back into the classic styles I studied as a child due mainly to the unavailability of the styles I loved.

Whenever possible I went to countless auditions in Vegas and L.A. only to be told I was too tall for one show, too short for another, to muscular for the next, not muscular enough for the one after that, not thin enough, not curvy enough etc.etc.etc… over and over and over again.
It was very painful, and frustrating I felt cursed.
I believe no rejection feels as bad a artistic rejection, I swear it’s like having the very core of your soul torn out and fed to piranas, yes it made me stronger each time I’d face it and pretty soon It no longer hurt, but it was along journey to reach that point.
As time passed I felt less and less like I’d become a dancer, I felt like I was giving up.

I would cry nearly every time I saw a dancer on television, or in a show, I’d fill with envy and self pity every time I met a successful dancer and wonder where I went wrong. The rejection bullet hit hardest when being told at 24 that I was to old to join a touring dance company I had set my heart on, not only that they told me at the time that “at my age” I’d have a difficult time finding any dance company that would hire me. Their reason was because many women at 24+ cannot be depended upon long term in a dance company (long term meaning 5-10 years) and that it was that age and above that most women decide to get married, have kids and put their dreams aside to do what they are “supposed” to do first. I saw this as so cryptic, narrow minded and sad as a woman to think that this was the way it was known. Why couldn’t we do it?! there are worse and harder things we do as women with less reward I just did not understand and was frustrated at this. Oh how we hurt ourselves by putting our dreams aside ladies! But at the same time I had no other example to show me otherwise, I saw many dancers struggle, my mother one of them that in the end gave up her dream and lost everything including her life because of that decision, I decided that would NEVER be my fate so I pushed forward, I pushed forward for her and for all those that gave up their dream.

It’s true the path of a dancer is one of the most difficult of dreams to follow, even the successful dancers hardly make ends meet, but it’s still worth the journey in my eyes. It had also dawned on me that I saw even more women suffer for giving up their dreams for an insecure spouse or controlling parent, a “dependable” job, a degree that they would never use, or had children and gave up their dream because they felt they were supposed to rather than do both. I was furious at this box I was being placed in at 24. I wanted to show them it could be done I could be all those things and still live my dream, I could be a mother if I wanted to, have other options to make a living by, have a healthy relationship, and be a successful dancer and dance teacher. I knew it would be hard but I did not care, I had something to prove so I went for it full force started classes and put every extra cent and ounce of energy into it and then about a month or so later I injured my back in my Lyrical jazz class so badly that I could not walk and was told I needed surgery. I was so broken hearted, I thought it was over, my heart went black and hollow, I had nothing left after that and from that perspective I was not ever going to dance again…

After coming to terms with my back injury, no insurance, broke, sleeping on a friends floor, I began seeking other means of healing without surgery. I started taking yoga classes as soon as I could walk without a crutch and my right leg buckling from under me. Unfortunately dancing was not possible still but the passion for it was coming back to life within me as yoga steadily healed my spine. After a year or two, one evening I was out with friends and saw a beautiful belly dancer at a cafe that absolutely snapped me out of my grave of self pity, she was wonderful! She showed me a world in witch no matter who I was, whatever age, ethnic background, physicality, height, weight whatever went wrong previously, I was accepted as I am in this dance form, it was here that I could dance, find absolute beauty, endless creativity, I could entertain, I could express stories within me,  I could make people happy, I could find myself again! This was heaven!!! So I kept digging within the art form and found the style that accepted me on an even deeper level. As I healed I added dance classes back into my life, belly dance became my new love over all other dance forms as each petal opened to me I healed and became more absorbed I was blissfully obsessed and pretty soon nothing could stop me, by back bothered me here and there but mostly when I was not dancing, I learned that this dance form kept me moving and healthy along with yoga I was healed.

Now 12 years later as a professional dancer I was also blessed to become a dance teacher, and I see my students find that same love, that courage and acceptance of themselves that they did not walk into the class with. Nothing is more rewarding to me as a dancer and teacher then to see a student discover this dance form and go from hiding in the back of the room, to leading an ATS group or creating a choreography, or even teaching her friends and family what she or he has learned. To see a transformation in a persons life that challenges them but also gives them absolute joy and a community of support from as early as the first class is not only a reminder of my own journey but also a reward and blessing to witness, to be a part of.

So, this is why I dance why I love Belly dance and why I always will. It heals me, it has healed me. A close friend of mine told me in the first year that belly dance would change my life in ways I could not possibly imagine, and oh how right she was.

I followed my heart I took so many leaps of faith that felt like total loss yet I made it through and am thankful for every moment that passes for where I am as a dancer. I will never forget the challenges I faced and continue to face as a dancer, I gave up and continue to give up many “usual” comforts for this, and could not imagine being any other way.

Following ones heart is the example of having true faith in oneself. I would tell anyone embarking on this wonderful adventure that it really is worth every tear and every fear to find your true passion and purpose in this life. Mine was to be a dancer and teach this dance, it has brought me more joy than I’d ever expected.

This is why I love and LIVE dance.

Photo above is of Olivia of Zafira dance Co. and I, Olivia is one of my great inspirations <3